Jean-Cyril .com

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Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is?
Don’t lie and don’t cheat.
WD-40. Who knew?

A chap with a new pickup saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of his beige truck.
A neighbor came out and told him to get WD-40 and clean it off.  It removed the unwanted colour beautifully

and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck.

Impressed! WD-40 who knew?

‘Water Displacement #40′

The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and de-greaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by
three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company.

Its name comes from the project that was to find a ‘water displacement’ compound.  They were successful with the fortieth    formulation, thus WD-40.  The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts..

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

When you read the ’shower door’ part, try it.  It’s the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.  If yours is plastic,
it works just as well as glass.. It’s a miracle!  Then try it on your stove top … Voila!  It’s now shinier than it’s ever been. You’ll be
amazed..

Here are some other uses:

1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floors that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps flies off cows.
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13.. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor!

Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring.  It doesn’t seem to harm the finish

and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.

Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20. Gives a children’s playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers..
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans..
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes splattered grease from the stove.
32. Keeps bathroom mirrors from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.’
38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls.  Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you’ve discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry.

Saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you spray WD-40 on a distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start (for those with really old cars!).

P.S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.

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Sheila and her husband Barry went for counselling after 37 years of marriage

When asked what the problem was, Sheila went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 37 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Shiela to stand and unbutton her blouse, he embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, nuzzled her nipples till they stood erect and kissed her passionately as her husband Barry watched with a raised eyebrow.

Her face was deeply flushed and she panted softly. Sheila shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to Barry and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?’

Barry thought for a moment and replied, well, I can drop her off here Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.’ Can you pick her up??

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La  saison des barbecues a commencé ! A cet effet, il est de bon ton de se  rappeler la procédure habituelle de cette cuisine  estivale.
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Le barbecue :
C’est dans  cette activité qu’on reconnaît les talents de cuisine d’un homme, un vrai.  Dès qu’un homme se porte volontaire pour faire ce type de cuisine, la  chaîne d’évènements  suivante est actionnée :
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L’HOMME
1. L’homme sort le barbecue et le charbon de bois.
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LA  FEMME
2. La femme nettoie la  grille.
3. La femme va à l’épicerie.
4. La femme va  chez le boucher.
5. La femme va chez le pâtissier.
6. La femme prépare la salade et les légumes.
7. La femme  prépare la viande pour la  cuisson
8. La femme la place  sur un plateau avec les ustensiles nécessaires, les épices et les  herbes.
9. La femme apporte la grille propre et le plateau à  l’homme qui est étendu à côté du barbecue en train de prendre une  bière.
10. L ‘homme place la  viande sur la grille.
11. La femme va à  l’intérieur mettre la table.
12. La femme vérifie la cuisson  des légumes.
13. La femme prépare le dessert.
14. La  femme revient à l’extérieur pour dire à son mari que la viande est  en train de brûler.
15. L’homme enlève la  viande trop cuite de  sur la grille et l’apporte à la femme.
16. La femme prépare les  assiettes et les apporte sur la table.
17. L’homme sert à boire.
18. La femme dessert la  table et prépare le café.
19. La femme sert le café et le  dessert
20. Après le repas, la femme range la table et la  nappe.
21. La femme fait la vaisselle et range la cuisine.
22. L’homme laisse le  barbecue en place car il y a encore des braises.
23.  L’homme  demande à la femme si elle a apprécié de ne pas faire  la cuisine  aujourd’hui.
24. Et devant son air  dubitatif, l’homme conclut que les femmes ne sont jamais  satisfaites !

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Una bonita sensación
Desplaza el ratón por la pantalla, tendrás la impresión de que vuelas por encima de las montañas. Pon la punta de tu cursor en la cumbre de una montaña y desplazate hacia la derecha o izquierda.
Enciende los altavoces ¡¡¡Es genial!!!
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http://electricoyster.com/esp3d

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Most Expensive Catastrophes in History
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# 10. Titanic - $150 Million
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The sinking of the Titanic is possibly the most famous accident in the world. But it barely makes our list of top 10 most expensive.  On April 15, 1912, the Titanic sank on its maiden voyage and was considered to be the most luxurious ocean liner ever built.  Over 1,500 people lost their lives when the ship ran into an iceberg and sunk in frigid waters. The ship cost $7 million to build  ($150 million in today’s dollars).
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# 9. Tanker Truck vs Bridge - $358 Million
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On August 26, 2004, a car collided with a tanker truck containing 32,000 liters of fuel on the Wiehltal Bridge in Germany . The tanker crashed through the guardrail and fell 90 feet off the A4 Autobahn resulting in a huge explosion and fire which destroyed the load-bearing ability of the bridge. Temporary repairs cost $40 million and the cost to replace the bridge is estimated at $318 Million.
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# 8. MetroLink Crash - $500 Million
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On September 12, 2008, in what was one of the worst train crashes in California history, 25 people were killed when a Metrolink commuter train crashed head-on into a Union Pacific freight train in Los Angeles . It is thought that the Metrolink train may have run through a red signal while the conductor was busy text messaging. Wrongful death lawsuits are expected to cause $500 million in losses for Metrolink.
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# 7. B-2 Bomber Crash - $1.4 Billion
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Here we have our first billion dollar accident (and we’re only #7 on the list). This B-2 stealth bomber crashed shortly after taking off from an air base in Guam on February 23, 2008. Investigators blamed distorted data in the flight control computers caused by moisture in the system.  This resulted in the aircraft making a sudden nose-up move which made the B-2 stall and crash. This was 1 of only 21 ever built and was the most expensive aviation accident in history. Both pilots were able to eject to safety.
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# 6. Exxon Valdez - $2.5 Billion
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The Exxon Valdez oil spill was not a large one in relation to the world’s biggest oil spills, but it was a costly one due to the remote location of  Prince William Sound (accessible only by helicopter and boat). On March 24, 1989, 10.8 million gallons of oil was spilled when the ship’s master, Joseph Hazelwood, left the controls and the ship crashed into a Reef. The cleanup cost Exxon $2.5 billion.
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# 5. Piper Alpha Oil Rig - $3.4 Billion
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The world ‘ s worst off-shore oil disaster. At one time, it was the world’s single largest oil producer, spewing out 31,000 barrels of oil per day.  On July 6, 1988, as part of routine maintenance, technicians removed and checked safety valves which were essential in preventing dangerous build-up of liquid gas. There were 100 identical safety valves which were checked. Unfortunately, the technicians made a mistake and forgot to replace one of them. At 10 PM that same night, a technician pressed a start button for the liquid gas pumps and the world’s most expensive oil rig accident was set in motion. Within 2 hours, the 300 foot platform was engulfed in flames. It eventually collapsed, killing 167 workers and resulting in $3.4 Billion in damages.
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# 4. Challenger Explosion - $5.5 Billion
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The Space Shuttle Challenger was destroyed 73 seconds after takeoff due on January 28, 1986 due to a faulty O-ring. It failed to seal one of the joints, allowing pressurized gas to reach the outside. This in turn caused the external tank to dump its payload of liquid hydrogen causing a massive explosion. The cost of replacing the Space Shuttle was $2 billion in 1986 ($4.5 billion in today’s dollars).  The cost of investigation, problem correction, and replacement of lost equipment cost $450 million from 1986-1987 ($1 Billion in today’s dollars).
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# 3. Prestige Oil Spill - $12 Billion
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On November 13, 2002, the Prestige oil tanker was carrying 77,000 tons of heavy fuel oil when one of its twelve tanks burst during a storm off Galicia , Spain . Fearing that the ship would sink, the captain called for help from Spanish rescue workers, expecting them to take the ship into harbour. However, pressure from local authorities forced the captain to steer the ship away from the coast. The captain tried to get help from the French and Portuguese authorities, but they too ordered the ship away from their shores. The storm eventually took its toll on the ship resulting in the tanker splitting in half and releasing 20 million gallons oil into the sea. According to a report by the Pontevedra Economist Board, the total cleanup cost $12 billion.
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# 2. Space Shuttle Columbia - $13 Billion
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The Space Shuttle Columbia was the first space-worthy shuttle in NASA’s orbital fleet. It was destroyed during re-entry over Texas on February 1, 2003 after a hole was punctured in one of the wings during launch 16 days earlier. The original cost of the shuttle was $2 Billion in 1978. That comes out to $6.3 Billion in today ‘ s dollars. $500 million was spent on the investigation, making it the costliest aircraft accident investigation in history. The search and recovery of debris cost $300 million. In the end, the total cost of the accident (not including replacement of the shuttle) came out to $13 Billion according to the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics.
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# 1. Chernobyl - $200 Billion
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On April 26, 1986, the world witnessed the costliest accident in history. The Chernobyl disaster has been called the biggest socio-economic catastrophe in peacetime history. 50% of the area of Ukraine is in some way contaminated. Over 200,000 people had to be evacuated and resettled while 1.7 million people were directly affected by the disaster. The death toll attributed to Chernobyl , including people who died from cancer years later, is estimated at 125,000. The total costs including cleanup, resettlement, and compensation to victims has been estimated to be roughly $200 Billion. The cost of a new steel shelter for the Chernobyl nuclear plant will cost $2 billion alone. The accident was officially attributed to power plant operators who violated plant procedures and were ignorant of the safety requirements needed.

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Technical Country Name
Rank
1 ESP NADAL Rafael
2 USA RODDICK Andy
3 SUI FEDERER Roger
4 GBR MURRAY Andy
5 SER DJOKOVIC Novak
6 ESP VERDASCO Fernando
7 FRA TSONGA Jo-Wilfried
8 ARG DEL POTRO Juan Martin
9 RTC STEPANEK Radek
10 ESP ROBREDO Tommy
11 CRO CILIC Marin
12 FRA MONFILS Gael
13 FRA SIMON Gilles
14 ESP FERRER David
15 ESP ALMAGRO Nicolas
16 USA FISH Mardy USA
17 CRO ANCIC Mario
18 CHL GONZALEZ Fernando
19 ARG ACASUSO Jose
20 FRA GASQUET Richard
21 ARG NALBANDIAN David
22 ISR SELA Dudi ISR
23 FRA CHARDY Jérémy
24 USA QUERREY Sam
25 USA BLAKE James
26 CHY BAGHDATIS Marcos
27 RUS ANDREEV Igor
28 FRA MATHIEU Paul-Henri
29 ARG VASSALLO ARGUELLO Martin
30 RUS KOROLEV Evgeny
31 FRA LLODRA Michaël
32 ALL KOHLSCHREIBER Philipp
33 ARG MONACO Juan
34 BRE BELLUCCI Thomaz
35 AUS HEWITT Lleyton
36 RTC BERDYCH Tomas
37 CRO LJUBICIC Ivan
38 ESP GRANOLLERS Marcel
39 SER TROICKI Viktor
40 BEL ROCHUS Christophe
41 SUI WAWRINKA Stanislas
42 FRA BENNETEAU Julien
43 RUS YOUZHNY Mikhail
44 FIN NIEMINEN Jarkko
45 RUS TURSUNOV Dmitry
46 FRA SERRA Florent
47 LET GULBIS Ernests
48 SUE SODERLING Robin
49 ALL HAAS Tommy ALL
50 FRA SANTORO Fabrice
51 POR GIL Frederico
52 AUT KOUBEK Stefan
53 RUS SAFIN Marat
54 RTC HERNYCH Jan
55 URU CUEVAS Pablo
56 USA ISNER John USA
57 AUT MELZER Jurgen
58 ARG CHELA Juan Ignacio
59 TAI LU Yen-Hsun
60 CRO KARLOVIC Ivo
61 FRA GICQUEL Marc
62 FRA CLEMENT Arnaud
63 AUS GUCCIONE Chris
64 IND DEVVARMAN Somdev
65 AUT KOELLERER Daniel
66 ESP GARCIA-LOPEZ Guillermo
67 LUX MULLER Gilles
68 ESP GIMENO-TRAVER Daniel
69 ITA BOLELLI Simone
70 ALL SCHUETTLER Rainer
71 ROU HANESCU Victor
72 SER TIPSAREVIC Janko
73 ALL ZVEREV Mischa
74 FRA DE CHAUNAC Sébastien
75 RUS KUNITSYN Igor
76 UKR STAKHOVSKY Sergiy
77 ITA CIPOLLA Flavio
78 ESP FERRERO Juan Carlos
79 ITA SEPPI Andreas
80 SUI CHIUDINELLI Marco
81 USA DELIC Amer USA
82 RUS GABASHVILI Teimuraz
83 ARG MAYER Leonardo
84 ALL BERRER Michael
85 ARG DABUL Brian
86 ALL PHAU Bjorn ALL
87 ESP MARTIN Alberto
88 ITA STARACE Potito
89 ITA FOGNINI Fabio
90 USA WIDOM Todd
91 ALL BECK Andreas
92 ARG GONZALEZ Maximo
93 USA DENT Taylor
94 USA KIM Kevin
95 ALL KIEFER Nicolas
96 OUZ ISTOMIN Denis
97 JAP NISHIKORI Kei
98 SLQ HRBATY Dominik
99 BEL MALISSE Xavier
100 ESP MONTANES Albert

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Clubs and Countries of Origin:
1899 Hoffenheim GER
Aalborg BK DEN
AC Sparta Praha CZE
AEK Athens GRE
AJ Auxerre FRA
Ajax Amsterdam NED
Amkar Perm RUS
Anorthosis Famagusta CYP
Aris Salonique GRE
Arsenal FC ENG
AS Monaco FRA
AS Nancy Lorraine FRA
AS Roma ITA
AS Saint Etienne FRA
Aston Villa ENG
Atletico de Madrid ESP
AZ Alkmaar NED
BATE Borisov BLR
Beitar Jerusalem ISR
Besiktas JK TUR
Bolton Wanderers ENG
Bröndby IF DEN
Bursaspor TUR
BV Borussia Dortmund GER
CA Osasuna ESP
CD Nacional POR
Celtic FC Glasgow SCO
CF Os Belenenses POR
CFC Genoa 1893 ITA
CFR Cluj ROM
Chelsea FC ENG
Club Brugge KV BEL
CS Maritimo POR
CSKA Moskva RUS
Debrecen VSC HUN
Deportivo La Coruna ESP
Dundee United FC SCO
Dynamo Kiev UKR
Elfsborg Boras SWE
Everton FC ENG
FBK Kaunas LTU
FC Artmedia Bratislava SVK
FC Banik Ostrava CZE
FC Barcelona ESP
FC Basel SUI
FC Bayern München GER
FC Dinamo Bucuresti ROM
FC Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk UKR
FC Dynamo Moskva RUS
FC Groningen NED
FC Internazionale ITA
FC Kobenhavn DEN
FC Porto POR
FC Rubin Kazan RUS
FC Schalke 04 GER
FC Sevilla ESP
FC Shakhtar Donetsk UKR
FC Slovan Liberec CZE
FC Twente Enschede NED
FC Vaslui ROM
FC Zenit St.Petersburg RUS
FC Zürich SUI
Fenerbahce SK TUR
Feyenoord Rotterdam NED
Fiorentina AC ITA
FK Austria Wien AUT
FK Crevna Zvezda SRB
FK Moskva RUS
FK Partizan Belgrade SRB
Galatasaray SK TUR
Getafe CF ESP
Girondins de Bordeaux FRA
Glasgow Rangers FC SCO
Grasshoppers Club Zürich SUI
Hamburger SV GER
Hannover 96 GER
Hapoel Tel Aviv FC ISR
Heart of Midlothian FC SCO
Hertha BSC Berlin GER
Hibernian Edinburgh SCO
Juventus FC ITA
Kayserispor TUR
Krylia Sowjetow Samara RUS
Lech Poznan POL
Leixoes SC Matosinhos POR
Liverpool FC ENG
Lokomotiv Moskva RUS
LOSC Lille Metropole FRA
Maccabi Haifa FC ISR
Malaga CF ESP
Manchester City ENG
Manchester United ENG
Metalist Kharkov UKR
Middlesbrough FC ENG
Milan AC ITA
Mlada Boleslav CZE
Motherwell FC SCO
MSK Zilina SVK
NAC Breda NED
NEC Nijmegen NED
Newcastle United ENG
NK Dinamo Zagreb CRO
OGC Nice FRA
Olympiakos Pireus FC GRE
Olympique de Marseille FRA
Olympique Lyonnais FRA
Panathinaikos FC GRE
Panionios NFC GRE
Paris Saint Germain FRA
PFC CSKA Sofia BUL
PFC Levski Sofia BUL
PFC Litex Lovech BUL
PSV Eindhoven NED
Rabotnicki Skopje MKD
Racing Club de Lens FRA
Racing Santander ESP
Rapid Bucarest ROM
Rapid Wien AUT
RB Salzburg AUT
RCD Espanyol ESP
Real Madrid CF ESP
Real Mallorca ESP
Rosenborg BK NOR
RSC Anderlecht BEL
SC Heerenveen NED
Sivasspor TUR
SK Brann Bergen NOR
SK Slavia Praha CZE
SL Benfica POR
Spartak Moskva FC RUS
Sporting Braga POR
Sporting Club Portugal POR
SS Lazio ITA
Stade Rennais FRA
Standard de Liège BEL
Steaua Bucarest ROM
Sturm Graz AUT
SV Werder Bremen GER
Tampere United FIN
Tobol Kustanai KAZ
Tottenham Hotspurs FC ENG
Toulouse FC FRA
Trabzonspor TUR
TSV Bayer 04 Leverkusen GER
UC Sampdoria ITA
Udinese Calcio ITA
US Palermo ITA
Valencia CF ESP
VfB Stuttgart GER
VfL Wolfsburg GER
Villarreal CF ESP
Vitesse Arnhem NED
Vitoria Guimaraes POR
Wisla Krakow POL
Young Boys Bern SUI

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Afghanistan - Kabul
Albania - Tirane
Algeria - Algiers
Andorra - Andorra la Vella
Angola - Luanda
Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John’s
Argentina - Buenos Aires
Armenia - Yerevan
Australia - Canberra
Austria - Vienna
Azerbaijan - Baku
The Bahamas - Nassau
Bahrain - Manama
Bangladesh - Dhaka
Barbados - Bridgetown
Belarus - Minsk
Belgium - Brussels
Belize - Belmopan
Benin - Porto-Novo
Bhutan - Thimphu
Bolivia - La Paz (administrative); Sucre (judicial)
Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo
Botswana - Gaborone
Brazil - Brasilia
Brunei - Bandar Seri Begawan
Bulgaria - Sofia
Burkina Faso - Ouagadougou
Burundi - Bujumbura
Cambodia - Phnom Penh
Cameroon - Yaounde
Canada - Ottawa
Cape Verde - Praia
Central African Republic - Bangui
Chad - N’Djamena
Chile - Santiago
China - Beijing
Colombia - Bogota
Comoros - Moroni
Congo, Republic of the - Brazzaville
Congo, Democratic Republic of the - Kinshasa
Costa Rica - San Jose
Cote d’Ivoire - Yamoussoukro (official); Abidjan (de facto)
Croatia - Zagreb
Cuba - Havana
Cyprus - Nicosia
Czech Republic - Prague
Denmark - Copenhagen
Djibouti - Djibouti
Dominica - Roseau
Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo
East Timor (Timor-Leste) - Dili
Ecuador - Quito
Egypt - Cairo
El Salvador - San Salvador
Equatorial Guinea - Malabo
Eritrea - Asmara
Estonia - Tallinn
Ethiopia - Addis Ababa
Fiji - Suva
Finland - Helsinki
France - Paris
Gabon - Libreville
The Gambia - Banjul
Georgia - Tbilisi
Germany - Berlin
Ghana - Accra
Greece - Athens
Grenada - Saint George’s
Guatemala - Guatemala City
Guinea - Conakry
Guinea-Bissau - Bissau
Guyana - Georgetown
Haiti - Port-au-Prince
Honduras - Tegucigalpa
Hungary - Budapest
Iceland - Reykjavik
India - New Delhi
Indonesia - Jakarta
Iran - Tehran
Iraq - Baghdad
Ireland - Dublin
Israel - Jerusalem*
Italy - Rome
Jamaica - Kingston
Japan - Tokyo
Jordan - Amman
Kazakhstan - Astana
Kenya - Nairobi
Kiribati - Tarawa Atoll
Korea, North - Pyongyang
Korea, South - Seoul
Kosovo - Pristina
Kuwait - Kuwait City
Kyrgyzstan - Bishkek
Laos - Vientiane
Latvia - Riga
Lebanon - Beirut
Lesotho - Maseru
Liberia - Monrovia
Libya - Tripoli
Liechtenstein - Vaduz
Lithuania - Vilnius
Luxembourg - Luxembourg
Macedonia - Skopje
Madagascar - Antananarivo
Malawi - Lilongwe
Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur
Maldives - Male
Mali - Bamako
Malta - Valletta
Marshall Islands - Majuro
Mauritania - Nouakchott
Mauritius - Port Louis
Mexico - Mexico City
Micronesia, Federated States of - Palikir
Moldova - Chisinau
Monaco - Monaco
Mongolia - Ulaanbaatar
Montenegro - Podgorica
Morocco - Rabat
Mozambique - Maputo
Myanmar (Burma) - Rangoon (Yangon); Naypyidaw or Nay Pyi Taw (administrative)
Namibia - Windhoek
Nauru - no official capital; government offices in Yaren District
Nepal - Kathmandu
Netherlands - Amsterdam; The Hague (seat of government)
New Zealand - Wellington
Nicaragua - Managua
Niger - Niamey
Nigeria - Abuja
Norway - Oslo
Oman - Muscat
Pakistan - Islamabad
Palau - Melekeok
Panama - Panama City
Papua New Guinea - Port Moresby
Paraguay - Asuncion
Peru - Lima
Philippines - Manila
Poland - Warsaw
Portugal - Lisbon
Qatar - Doha
Romania - Bucharest
Russia - Moscow
Rwanda - Kigali
Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre
Saint Lucia - Castries
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown
Samoa - Apia
San Marino - San Marino
Sao Tome and Principe - Sao Tome
Saudi Arabia - Riyadh
Senegal - Dakar
Serbia - Belgrade
Seychelles - Victoria
Sierra Leone - Freetown
Singapore - Singapore
Slovakia - Bratislava
Slovenia - Ljubljana
Solomon Islands - Honiara
Somalia - Mogadishu
South Africa - Pretoria (administrative) - Cape Town (legislative) - Bloemfontein (judiciary)
Spain - Madrid
Sri Lanka - Colombo; Sri Jayewardenepura Kotte (legislative)
Sudan - Khartoum
Suriname - Paramaribo
Swaziland - Mbabane
Sweden - Stockholm
Switzerland - Bern
Syria - Damascus
Taiwan - Taipei
Tajikistan - Dushanbe
Tanzania - Dar es Salaam; Dodoma (legislative)
Thailand - Bangkok
Togo - Lome
Tonga - Nuku’alofa
Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-Spain
Tunisia - Tunis
Turkey - Ankara
Turkmenistan - Ashgabat
Tuvalu - Vaiaku village, Funafuti province
Uganda - Kampala
Ukraine - Kyiv
United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi
United Kingdom - London
United States of America - Washington D.C.
Uruguay - Montevideo
Uzbekistan - Tashkent
Vanuatu - Port-Vila
Vatican City (Holy See) - Vatican City
Venezuela - Caracas
Vietnam - Hanoi
Yemen - Sanaa
Zambia - Lusaka
Zimbabwe - Harare

.

Territories:

Ashmore and Cartier Islands Christmas Island Cocos (Keeling) Coral Sea Heard and McDonald Norfolk Faroe Greenland Aruba Antilles Bassas da India Clipperton Europa French Guiana French Polynesia French Southern and Antarctic Lands Glorioso Guadeloupe Juan de Nova Martinique Mayotte New Caledonia Réunion Saint Pierre and Miquelon Tromelin Wallis and Futuna Cook Niue Tokelau Bouvet Jan Mayen Svalbard Anguilla Bermuda British Indian Ocean Territory British Virgin Cayman Falkland Gibraltar Guernsey Jersey Isle of Man Montserrat Pitcairn Saint Helena South Georgia and the South Sandwich Turks and Caicos American Samoa Baker Guam Howland Jarvis Johnston Atoll Kingman Reef Midway Islands Navassa Island Northern Mariana Palmyra Atoll Puerto Rico Virgin Wake Antarctica Gaza Strip Paracel Spratly West Bank

.
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
.
She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other.’
.
He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’
.
So she consented.
They were married and off they went on a honeymoon to Southport.
.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
.
She said, ‘That was incredible!’
.
He said, ‘I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.’
.
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
.
He said, ‘That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’
.
‘No,’ she said, ‘I was a prostitute in Birkenhead but I worked both sides of the Mersey.’

.

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES ?
.
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?
.
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ’special services.’
.
Extremist muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
.
Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
.
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

.
If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
.
She said it was midwinter… Snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
.
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.
.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!
.
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down.’ And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
.
Jay Leno’s comment… ‘This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.
.
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show

.

I keep having my profile on that dating website rejected.
One of the questions is, ‘What do you want in a woman?’.
Apparently ‘my dick’ is not an acceptable answer.
——————————————————————
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, ‘you’ve all got 30 seconds to get out!’
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, ‘you cu*t !’
——————————————————————-
why are women like clouds? eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day
——————————————————————
What’s the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.
——————————————————————-
A man walks into a petrol station and says, ‘can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?’
The lady behind the till gets him a Kit Kat Chunky and brings it back to him.
‘No,’ says the man, ‘I wanted a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch.’
———————————————————————-
I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
———————————————————————–
Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we’ll send you the video, it’s fu*king hilarious….
———————————————————————-
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
———————————————————————-
Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate ‘My mother-in-law is an angel’.
The reply from his friend…… ‘You’re so fu*king lucky…
Mine’s still alive…’
———————————————————————–
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; ‘Fu*k off, you won’t bring it back.’
———————————————————————-
2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine.
He lasts over 10 minutes.
‘Geeeeez  mate, that was impressive!’
‘I get lots of practice’ Replied the other guy.
‘My Wife’s an epileptic’

BAR CODES
.
Do you know how to differentiate which products are made in the USA, or in the Philippines, in Taiwan, or in China?
.
Here’s How:
The first 3 digits of the barcode identify the country code wherein the product was made.
.
For Example:   ALL barcodes that start with 690, 691, 692,  etc., . .up to and including 695 are all MADE IN CHINA.
.
Barcodes starting with 471 are printed on products Made in Taiwan.
.
You have a right to know.  But the government and related departments never inform or educate the public. Therefore we must educate ourselves,
be vigilant, and RESCUE ourselves.
.
Today, Chinese businessmen know that consumers will not select products ‘Made in China’.  So, they make every effort not to show or state the country of origin on their products.
.
However, you can now refer to the barcode.
.
DO remember if the first 3 digits are one of those between 690 and 695 inclusive then it is a product Made in China .
.
OTHER BARCODES:
.
00 ~ 13 USA & CANADA
30 ~ 37 FRANCE
40 ~ 44 GERMANY
49 ~ JAPAN
50 ~ UK
57 ~ Denmark
64 ~ Finland
76 ~ Switzerland and Liechtenstein
628 ~ Saudi-Arabia
629 ~ United Arab Emirates
740 ~ 745 - Central America
93   -  Australia
94  - New Zealand
.
All 480 Codes are Made in the Philippines.
.

.

Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A professor at the University of Michigan was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, ‘Do you know  what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’   She replied, ‘Probably moose hunting with his buddies.’   It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom………

.
Stay with this — the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, ‘Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
‘ television
‘ penicillin
‘ polio shots
‘ frozen foods
‘ Xerox
‘ contact lenses
‘ Frisbees and
‘ the pill
There were no:
‘ credit cards
‘ laser beams or
‘ ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
‘ pantyhose
‘ air conditioners
‘ dishwashers
‘ clothes dryers
‘ and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
‘ man hadn’t yet walked on the moon
.
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, ‘Sir’.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, ‘Sir.’
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.
And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan ‘ on it, it was junk
The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
‘ ‘grass’ was mowed,
‘ ‘coke’ was a cold drink,
‘ ‘pot’ was something your mother cooked in and
‘ ‘rock music’ was your grandmother’s lullaby.
‘ ‘Aids’ were helpers in the Principal’s office,
‘ ‘ chip’ meant a piece of wood,
‘ ‘hardware’ was found in a hardware store and
‘ ’software’ wasn’t even a word.
.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us ‘old and confused’ and say there is a generation gap… and how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind…you are in for a shock!
Read on to see — pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.
Are you ready ?????
This man would be only 59 years old

.

Liverpool Girls
.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.
.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.
.
James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.
.
The third man said the he had married a girl from Liverpool. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn’t see
anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit
out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener.

.
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in it’s ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
.
The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub in it’s ears once a month.
.
The lady went to the drugstore and got some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the druggist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”
.
The lady said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”
.
The druggist said “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t shave for a couple of days.”
.
The lady said, “I’m not using it on my legs either; and if you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.”
.
The druggist said, “Stay off your bicycle for a week.”

.
Dear Ted,
.
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He’d carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back.
But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
.
Sincerely,
Susie Fox
.
.
Dear Susie,
.
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the inlet manifold for air leaks.  If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber .
I hope this helps.

.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!’
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best toast of the night’.
She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?
John said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.’
‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’
She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years….  Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’

.
I THINK WE ALL HAVE SPOKEN TO HIM!
.
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
.
The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”
.
Mujibar said, “I am ready.”
.
The manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green ”
.
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister manager, I am ready”
.
The manager said, “Go ahead.”
.
Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I Pink it up, and say, Yellow’, this is Mujibar.”
.
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
.
No doubt you have spoken to him.

.

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he’s driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2.

.
While on his morning walk, Tony Blair fell over having had a heart attack. He died because the Accident and Emergency ward at his nearest hospital was too understaffed to treat him in time.
.
So his soul arrived in Heaven and he was met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. ‘Welcome to Heaven,’ said Saint Peter, ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem, we seldom see a politician around these parts, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’ ‘No problem, just let me in; I’m a good Christian; I’m a believer,’ said Blair.
.
‘I’d like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you’ll live for eternity.’
.
‘But I’ve already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,’ replied Blair.
.
‘I’m sorry … but we have our rules and bureaucracy.’ Peter interjected, and, with that escorted him to a lift and he went down, down, down . . . all the way to Hell.
.
The doors opened and he found himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun was shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 21 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it were MPs from all the years of the Great British democracy. There were Peers who had ‘loaned’ money over the years. The whole set of the Party leaders from the past were there … everyone laughing, happy and casually, but expensively, dressed.  They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of ’suckers and peasants.’ They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster and caviar.
.
The Devil himself came up to Blair with a chilled drink, ‘Have some tequila and relax, Tony!’
.
‘Uh, I can’t drink anymore, I took a pledge,’ said Blair, dejectedly. ‘This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry; it just gets better from there!’
.
So Tony took the drink and found himself quite liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, like the ones he and Hewitt pulled with the NHS and with Kelly on Education. They were having such a great time that, before he realised it, it was time to go. Everyone gave him a big hug and waved as Blair stepped on the lift and headed upwards.
.
When the door reopened, he was in Heaven again and Saint Peter was waiting for him. ‘Now it’s time to visit Heaven,’ the old man said, opening the gate.
.
So for 24 hours Blair was made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other’s company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or egotistical remark among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tasted great, it was not caviar or lobster. And these people were all poor. He didn’t see anybody he knew and he wasn’t even treated like someone special!
.
‘Hmm,’ he said uncomfortably to himself, ‘Mandleson never prepared me for this!’
.
The day done, Saint Peter returned and said, ‘Well, you’ve spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity.’
.
With the ‘Deal or No Deal’ theme playing softly in the background, Blair reflected for a minute … then answered: ‘Well, I would never have thought I’d say this - I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.’
.
So Saint Peter escorted him to the lift and he went down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the lift opened and he was in the middle of a concrete jungle covered with rubbish and toxic industrial wasteland, like the eroded, infested areas that Prescott created in the South East. He was horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They were groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
.
The Devil came over to Blair and put an arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammered a shocked Tony, ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of rubbish and everybody looks miserable!’
.
The Devil looked at him, smiled slyly and purred, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!’
PS Everyone deserves the Government they vote for!

.
Hey,
Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and, before before you knew it, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
.
Yu haf no idr how fkin gud I fel rite now.
.
Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.

.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this .
.
‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’